A Dislocated Heart
It was the end of summer many moons ago when I was a teenager attending cheerleading camp. Each summer our squad would load up on a van with pom-poms in hand and uniforms pressed to attend a weeklong cheering extravaganza. Girls would swarm from what seemed like everywhere, to a local college campus for a week, learning new chants and practicing skills for the following school year. In the south it was hot and humid, very hot and humid, but we didn’t care because we loved it! We would be on the field for hours working to be the best because, you see, the week would end with a competition of just a handful of schools who had been chosen as a result of their excellent performance over the week.
One particular camp week ended in an unexpected and unfortunate way. That year our squad was honored to be chosen for the final competition. Hopefully we would be picked as the best squad at camp! Spirited and nervous our squad would soon be lining up to perform before the judges and hundreds of cheerleaders watching on. Back then the small framed girls, that was me, were called “tops” as we would climb to the peak of the pyramid. We would be hoisted in all sorts of configurations climbing on the shoulders of the others level by level we would stack ourselves like wooden building blocks. As we practiced our routine one last time before heading out to perform I was very nervous. I felt shaky and unconfident. The tense uneasiness overtook and distracted me. I failed to climb confidently and follow my training to lock my knees in place and to not look down. In today’s cheering world, the “tops” are called “flyers.” That day I wished that I could have flown when I found myself losing my balance and falling 10 or 12 feet from up in the air. Head first speeding towards the turf on the field, my instincts kicked in telling me to put out my arm so I wouldn’t land on my head. Well, you can probably guess what happened next. There I lay on the ground with my friends huddled around me gasping as they looked at my very misshapen arm. My dear sponsor, Valerie, scooped me up and rushed me to the unfamiliar hospital’s ER and orthopedist on call. I felt scared, frail and also sad that I had let my squad down, but mostly I felt extreme pain from which I needed relief. X-Rays showed that I had severely dislocated my elbow, tearing ligaments and tendons that held the joint in place. As the doctor asked my sponsor to step out of the room with him for privacy, he explained to her that he could relieve my pain in about 2 seconds by popping the bones in my arm back into the place where they should be. Those 2 seconds would not be pleasant he said so he asked my sponsor to chat with me while he was claiming to “just be examining” my arm. He explained to her that if I knew what he was about to do I would tense up and the adjustment would be much harder for him and cause even more pain. This was the plan. They walked back in and my sponsor began to reassuringly chat with me about the things that had happened at camp and that everything was going to work out fine. I was somewhat relaxed when in a split second I felt the doctor grip my upper and lower arm tightly and pop it with the strength he might use if breaking a strong stick in half. PAIN…COMFORT. It was terrible and then it was wonderful. The burning discomfort left my arm instantly. The doctor was right! They set my arm, gave me pain meds and sent us on our way.
It seems that many of us have been and still find ourselves in tough seasons of life. It seems common to struggle almost daily to believe the truth that we know about and read in God’s Word. I've wrestled with God, begging Him to give me relief in certain areas of my life that I do not want to accept. I can’t help but think you can relate. You know those areas where you feel like you will never be okay, things will never change? When my mind wanders towards these things that I would like to wish away, my thoughts become so foggy that I can't imagine any way out. I tell myself not to think about it too long or else the tears will bulge, spilling over the edge of my eyelids. My soul feels stuck in a hardened state like concrete. You know those times when you try, and try, and try but nothing seems to budge? These are the types of troubles that linger in your thoughts as you try to go to sleep at night. And they are still in your head unwelcomed as the first thought you have when you wake. The more you think about it the more daunting the narrative in your head becomes, leading you to feel fear, hopelessness and disbelief. The more you recount the details to yourself the greater your anxiety becomes, possibly even leading you to depression. The shooting pains of hurt and despair become more drastic and it seems relief is nowhere in sight. Are you with me? Has this sketch of the needy soul brought you to a personal place of relating?
If only someone could rescue me and make everything better. The pastors preach to me, the podcasters speak, the authors write to me and the therapists counsel, but nothing seems to help. What’s the matter with me? I know the truth, but the truth is nowhere near setting me free. Sometimes the enemy uses this to make us feel shameful whispering in our ears, “You don’t trust God enough!” Just when we think I see a glimmer of hope the light can fall away as quickly as a shooting star disappears out of the night sky. My parched spirit longs for refreshment but it never comes. Hope teases me like a summer storm when the winds blow, a thick cloud canopies overhead, even thunder and lightning are present and you are sure the shower is coming but disappointingly it never does.
“Why are you downcast, o my soul, why are you disturbed within me?” (Psalm 42:5)
Recently as I pleaded with God, He heard me and answered my prayer. I read Psalm 86 which states, “Teach me your way, LORD, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. Psalm 86:11. That’s it! I had a dislocated heart. The ways of the world and my earthly desires for security and significance had slowly crept into my heart and attempted a takeover. He revealed to me that my heart was very divided over things of this world and communion with Him like we read about in Colossians 3.
If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:1-3
My eyes were not set above, they were set on my earthly desires and relationships. The lack of what I felt like I needed was threatening a siege of my heart. When I take my eyes off the One who never changes and is always exactly who He says He is, I am unsafe, disoriented and insecure. Like when I failed to focus on what I knew would help me on the pyramid I fell. When I’m not sharp minded and focused, abiding by what has been taught to me in order to stay safe, I begin to look around and down at the things of earth which cause me to stumble, injuring my soul, filling my mind and heart with shooting pain.
“In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)
Jesus knew what the pull of the world was like first hand. What do I need in those moments of fear and doubt? I need someone, the Great Physician, to relocate my heart. As earthly things and people can quickly become unpredictable and not come through for me, I often put myself and my needs at the center. This is when I become filled with anxiety, fear and hopelessness.
“Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:5
So what do you do for a dislocated heart? First and foremost you need to be assured that He hears you and sees you and is waiting on high to rescue you. He has your best interest at heart no matter how you feel. Just like my physician instructed in the emergency room that day, we need to think about something else. We need to change the narrative in our heads. Do not fear the thought of realigning with Him and His plans because He is good and His plans are best. If we can surrender our lives to him, again, he promises to heal us - every time. Are you ready to find the freedom that He offers regardless of your circumstances changing the way you hope they will? He is waiting to readjust your thinking and perspective. A reorientation of your thoughts will change the narrative on repeat in your head. Do you feel like giving up? That’s good, really good, as long as you are ready to relax, give in and allow God to set your heart aright. So what does it take? Here you will have an opportunity to look into your soul with God, according to His Word, for your heart adjustment.
Remember who you are as God’s child. (Ezekiel 36:25-29)
Repent in a prayer turning back to God acknowledging your need for Him. (Psalm 51:10-12)
Realign your thoughts according to the promises of God. (Psalm 86:11)
Rejoice as you feel His Spirit take over. (Psalm 16:8, 9)
As you deeply feel the pain, seek to understand where it is coming from. What or who has taken center stage in your heart causing it to dislocate? Run to God and ask for relief. Accept any burning discomfort in the process, being assured of the respite He will bring on the other side. Yes, our hearts are sick and injured, but thankfully that is not the end of the story. There is another way. He promises to heal you as your dislocated heart is transformed into a heart that is confident, reassured and aligned with who God is and His plans for you as His child. How restful the thought of peace and freedom, not necessarily because of a change of circumstances, but because of who God is and His plan that involves zero mistakes or accidents. You can believe and be assured that your story will be redeemed in His time.
O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There's a light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.
- Helen Howarth Lemmel
